12 Hours

6:30 AM – Wakes up when the son puts on a filmy song at full throttle on the radio downstairs.

6:35 AM – Extracts self from the wife.

6:38 AM – Climbs down the stairs, almost trips over the cat. A well-aimed kick sends it flying to the closed terrace door, from where it bounces back to the floor. Cat departs with tail held high after sending a seething look in my general direction.

6:39 AM – Music still blaring from the radio.

6:40 AM – Approaches son from behind. Takes him by the shirt and hauls him off to his room. Returns to the radio, unplugs it and smashes it down on the dining table. Music stops, I sigh.

6:43 AM – In son’s room. Abuses him with the choicest words for listening to vulgar Bollywood songs. He sulks, pretending to peruse his textbook. His mobile rings. The ringtone is that Punjabi song from Love Aaj Kal.

6:45 AM – Uncontrollable rage. Takes the mobile phone, throws it down with as much force as I could muster. It does not break, it is a brick Nokia. Stamps on it repeatedly until the circuitry is smashed and the phone looks like a slaughtered lamb with its guts spilling out.

6:48 AM – Feeling better. Kid is nowhere to be seen. Must have run off to his Aai.

7:52 AM – Dresses in crisp white. In a very jolly mood as I leave the house. Can make it to the station for the 8:25 train to Matunga.

8:06 AM – A silver Skoda Superb rushes past me and its left rear wheel lands squarely in the puddle ahead, filled with rainwater from yesterday’s downpour. My kurta gets drenched completely. The car has a UP license plate. Acts quickly and decisively. Picking up a sharp stone from the gutter, takes aim at the rear window of the speeding car. Throws.

8:07 AM – Thankful for the early hour as the road is deserted. No one is around to see the bleeding little slumboy, crying by the roadside. Must work on my aim.

8:21 AM – Reaches the station just in time. The sign says that my train is in platform 2.

8:24 AM – Rushes onto platform 2. Can see the train approaching the platform. The loudspeaker is blaring the same information in 3 languages……Three?

8:27 AM – The big stick I’ve picked up from a languid porter comes in quite handy while ransacking the announcements office. The woman and the man inside had run outside when they saw me coming in with the stick. Not before I kicked the man’s butt on his way out though. After doing a thorough job with the CD playing the recorded announcements, the Station Manager makes his entrance. I threaten him. The man’s an idiot – he attempts to call the police. I dial the emergency number from my phone and explain the situation to Bhau. Gives the phone to the Station Manager. After listening for a minute, his face distinctly pales. I smirk.

8:53 AM – What if I missed the earlier train? Feels positively ecstatic. I’m waiting in the platform for the next train. There are no announcements.

9:47 AM – Reaches party office. Enthusiastic discussion going on between several of the boys. Amoldada seems to have the best story until I relate my morning adventures (with suitable embellishments) to the crowd. They are all staring at me in awe as I complete. Amol seems ready to erupt. Snigger.

11:15 AM – We all reach the assembly.

12:13 PM – The carefully planned operation is carried out to perfection. That should teach these buggers to be careful about linguistic matters in the future. And high media visibility as well. Ha!

2:18 PM – Everyone has gathered for lunch in the vegetarian restaurant nearby. Someone switches on the TV – the media seems to be falling over each other, trying to report what happened at the assembly today. We guffaw uncontrollably. Someone suggests smashing the TV when the Hindi anchor comes on-screen. Seems like a jolly good plan.

2:20 PM – All thoughts of smashing forgotten as they air our video! I can be seen, among all that crowd! I’m on TV!

4:33 PM – Back in the car, heading home. 4 people suspended for the shenanigans today. Bah, more publicity!

6:17 PM – Home. Tired after the eventful day. But very happy that our cause has advanced quite a bit over the day.

6:29 PM – Sets the alarm for 11:30 at night. The boys will come to pick me up for a night job. Some Bollywood movie posters crowding out ‘our’ area near an Eastern suburb. Should be a fun night out.


7 responses to “12 Hours

  1. Hehehehe…. Godly! But what’s up with that Vegetarian restaurant? And extracts himself from wife?

  2. i wonder if potential recruits cud ask for a copy of this ‘a day in the life of..’

  3. Best entry!

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