Monthly Archives: June 2010

The Wedding Stake-holder

And after a 3-month hiatus, which gets me directement zero marks, this blog gets an update which shall hopefully reach your mailboxes, feed your hungry RSS feeds and pop up on your Google Readers.

As to why the blog has been silent for a while, there is no definite answer. It could be because of an abominably painful sales stint which I’m still undergoing in an irritatingly vegetarian part of the country. Or it could be because a very dear friend of mine got engaged to be married last month and that kept me occupied. Oh, because she got engaged to me, you see.

But really, the wonderment actually comes from the fact that this blog has been silent despite a typical Indian summer which saw more crazy happenings than you could count in the eleven fingers of a kite-chasing superstar. A strange silence despite the IPL, despite the Lalit Modus Operandi of sweating out Cabinet Ministers, despite the British Elections, despite the assassination attempt on Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s parallelly-commuting dog, and so on and so forth.

Ah well, there is no point in looking back over lost opportunities to blog. Craziness will keep happening.

Which brings me to this update. As I mentioned rather casually somewhere in the midst of all that mess which precedes this paragraph, I’m engaged now.

And a couple of days after the said event took place, a friend pinged me on gtalk and said,

“Dude, congrats!”

Quite natural, of course. friends tend to say that when one gets engaged. I am by no means portraying the above line as a strange bit of conversation. Because it is not.


That was me, quite obviously. Again, nothing strange. Unless you might raise an eyebrow at the exclamation mark which I have used after “Thanks”. If you are a very strict adherent of certain rules that govern languages, you might ask me as to why I used that ! there. Is it not an indicator of surprise? Was I surprised by the friend’s congratulations? Does that mean I did not expect him to congratulate me? Does that mean I think he dislikes me?

Let us proceed forth on the assumption that you are not a strict adherent of certain rules that govern languages, yes?

“So I trust the engagement went well?”

“Absolutely. The weather was great, my Mundu didn’t fall off and the caterers served multiple Pappadams upon request.”

“Haha – interesting that you were so concerned about the pappadams..”

“Of course! After enduring many a sadya in my life without extra pappadams, I’m quite determined to make an unlimited supply available for sadyas which I host. These caterers often fail to realize the value we give to extra pappadams.”

“All true, all true. But tell me this, dude. Why did I not see an update of your engagement in your blog?! To tell you the truth, that’s where I expected to read it.”


That, dear RSS feeds, was the relevant part of the chat conversation. Not the ‘Oh!?’, no not that one, but the line before that. In which the friend is asking me why I didn’t blog about the engagement.

It was then that I realized that I was spending too much time worrying about Pappadams and too less time worrying about the state of the much-suffering Directement Zero.

Hence, this update.


Immediately after one gets engaged, one has to field an inevitable question from hundreds of people. No, not the one regarding the intricacies of tying a Mundu, but the other one. The date of the wedding.

Ah, well. That is indeed a tragic story.

You see, the date of my wedding is ironically, entirely out of my control. “Ah, so this fellow has a dominating fiancee eh? Snigger Snigger”, yes, I heard some of you say that. But alas, it is not in her control either.

The parents? Nope, they desperately wish to control it, but no.

Who then? Who is the one with such a crucial controlling stake in my marriage?

A wedding planner? The manager of a wedding hall? Sharad Pawar?

No, no and maybebutIwon’ttellyou.

The actual culprit is the fellow you see in the picture below

Superstar Kunjan staring at his wife

This enigmatic person would be familiar to Mallus, who would at this point jump up and say, “Hey, isn’t that the old joker from Mallu movies? What’s his name? Kuttappan? No…. Ah yes! Kunjan!”

For the non-Mallus, this enigmatic person is an old joker from Mallu movies, whose name is not Kuttappan but Kunjan.

As to why he wields such an inequitable influence over my marital date, one has to look towards his better half, (no, not the left side of his face, admittedly better than the right) his wife Shobha Kunjan for that answer. This S. Kunjan runs a wedding-prep business which is apparently vouched for by every bride in Cochin. As all these gushing ex-brides would state, the lady makes you look like how any true-blue bride should look for her wedding.

Naturally, my fiancee has taken a liking to this entire business and won’t get married until S. Kunjan’s dates are available.

Which won’t happen unless Kunjan schedules a date, since he manages his wife’s appointments. (Oh, that explains the suit).

Which is how a forgotten funny guy from 1990s Malayalam movies came to be a stake-holder in determining my wedding date.

Crazier than Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s stray dog, no?